Eddie & The Sea Monkey: A Collection of OneShots
by SpyVsTailor
Summary: A collection of one-shots set in the world of my Twelve Days of Riddler series. Mostly Selina and Eddie based one-shots, but I might throw in other characters for variety. Rated M, because hey, you never know...
1. Eddie & The Sea Monkey

**I've decided to do a series of one-shots set in the world of my Twelve Days of Riddler series. They're out of chronological order as they're pretty much going to be posted just as they come to me, I just want to keep them all under one story title for my own lazy benefit, so...yup. For those of you coming to the party late, be sure to check out Twelve Days of Riddler, Week of the Cat and The Summer of Scarecrow. **

**For real fans of the Eddie/Lina pairing, check out my profile...if you're sharp enough, you'll know why. All comers welcome! (That's right, I'm breaking all the rules, but doing it very slyly, kids!)  
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><p><strong>Eddie And The Sea Monkey<strong>

"You're staring at it again." She stated, flipping the page to her copy of Vogue magazine.

Across the room from her, Eddie cleared his throat and raised his own magazine back to his face. From behind Popular Mechanics, he poked his head up slowly again.

Smirking, Selina crossed her legs. It was getting hard not to sit like an old man with the new weight she had acquired, but she found it undignified to let her swollen gut get in the way of her elegance.

"If you want, Eddie, you can come over here and touch it."

Again he adjusted his magazine. "I'm fine, thank you." He replied curtly. "Don't need to touch it to know it's there."

After about three minutes of quietly perusing their prospective magazines, she found a pair of blue eyes on her again and sighed, dropping the magazine into her lap. "What, Ed? Hn?"

He hid quickly behind the pages of Popular Mechanics.

Sighing, she set aside her magazine and slouched on the sofa, letting her fat gut stick out almost obscenely, her hands resting over top of it lightly. She eyed Eddie, daring him to look at her.

He sniffed and flipped a page.

She knew what he wanted, what he was waiting for. As much as he tried to pretend he could care less one way or the other about the state of her womb, the look on his face when he touched her swollen stomach as it bumped and rippled under the attack of a kicking foetus gave away his cool exterior. He was fascinated, excited even at the thought of what her body was creating just out of sight.

Deciding to torment him a little, she touched a spot to the right of her belly button and gave a soft 'oh'.

The magazine dropped to his lap. "Is it kicking?"

Selina smirked darkly. "No."

He picked up his magazine again and snapped it open almost sullenly.

Twisting in her seat, she flopped dramatically on the sofa so that her legs were thrown up on the arm, her head hanging off, her belly stuck up high into the air. She eyed him out of the corner of her eyes, waiting for him to notice her. Idly rubbing her belly, she smiled almost proudly.

When he continued to ignore her, she pulled up her blouse enough to show off her mountainous gut and calmly drummed her fingers.

Eddie continued to ignore her.

Growing tired of him pretending to ignore her, she picked up her magazine from the floor where it fell and lobbed it at him.

It smacked his own into his face and Eddie scrambled out from under the magazines at the attack.

She smiled and purred, arching her back to show off her gut. "Heya, Ed."

He scowled at her and adjusted his tie. "What's wrong with you tonight, my dear?"

"Nothing." She said, touching her stomach, running a finger around her popped belly button. God, was she really getting that huge that even her innie couldn't take the strain?

Moving a hand to touch a cufflink, he fidgeted with it for a moment, still eyeing her. "What is it tonight? Spaghetti and pickles? Peanut butter and chocolate mint ice cream? Pancakes and relish?"

"It's not a craving," she replied.

He heaved a long suffering sigh. "What can I do for you my rotund little pussycat?"

"I think you know what I want." She said.

"The G rated thing or the other thing?"

She scowled at him and struggled to sit up. "Do I look like I'm in the mood for the other thing?"

"A man can hope."

"Besides, do you really want to do that with me looking like I swallowed a beach ball?" She demanded.

His eyes glittered playfully. "Are you looking for reassurance, kitten?"

"I'm looking for a goddamned belly rub." She snapped. "Are you going to make me beg for it?"

Eddie smirked wickedly, but before he could say anything, she cut him off.

"Fine, I'll take a bath instead." She growled, struggling to her feet. Discomfort had come with her condition and while it wasn't in any place she could pinpoint, a bath usually did the trick if a belly rub couldn't put her at ease.

Jumping to his feet spryly, Eddie chuckled. "Alright, my queen, sit down on your throne and ease back.

She glared at him for a moment, before dropping her heavy frame back onto the soft cushions behind her.

Easing down at her side, Eddie smiled, long fingers gripping the hem of her blouse and tugging it up over her belly.

She laid her head against the back of the sofa and sighed as his cool, gloved hands began rubbing circles over her distended gut. She wasn't sure if it was because he was good at it or if it just felt good on her over-stretched abdomen, but she felt everything just melt into a blissful blur.

"Kitten?" He asked, breaking through the fog of her tranquility.

She opened an eye. "Hm?"

"Have you ever pondered genetics?"

Selina closed her eye. "Not now, Eddie."

"I was just thinking, what if our daughter comes out impossibly beautiful? You know I wouldn't be able to handle that. All those boys coming around..."

"Who said it's going to be a girl?" She asked.

"Of course it's going to be a girl. It better be or you're not doing your job properly."

Selina's eyes popped open and she sat up. "My job?"

"Well, you're making the thing. I thought if I put in a good word you could try extra hard for an XX chromosome. I know it's not exactly how things are done, but maybe a woman never really tried to change the batter before the cake is baked."

Touching her temples, she squinted, mocking extreme concentration. "Sorry, Ed, headquarters say he's already got a little penis."

He beamed. "Whatever it is, it must have your stubborn nature already imbued in it's very soul then."

"Shut up and keep rubbing."

"Stubborn little sea monkey..." he growled as she leaned back against him.


	2. Uncle Jon Vs The Toy Box Monster

**Uncle Jon & The Toy Box Monster**

"Go to bed."

At his feet, little Eli sat, eyes turned up at Jonathan Crane's lanky figure seated in his favourite chair, a book held up between them.

"Dad usually reads to me," he pointed out.

'Uncle Jon' - as the brat called him - flipped a page in his book. "I'm not your dad, go to bed."

"I can't."

Furrowing his brow, Crane sighed heavily and thumped the book closed. "Why not?"

"There's a monster in my toy box."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" He demanded.

"It only comes out when my room is dark and mom and dad are asleep." The boy clutched his stuffed skunk to his chest. "Dad says it's just my imagination, but I say it's true."

"Is it true?"

"Yes."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"Is it?'

"Yes."

"Are you lying?"

"No."

"Would you tell me if you were lying?"

"Yes."

"Are you lying?"

"No."

Sniffing, Crane pondered this, he had heard of the monster but had assumed the boy aged out of it when he turned five. Now the boy was seven and still afraid of the 'toy box monster'. Hell, even Eli's younger brother and sister weren't scared of the dark like their big brother was. Of course if there was one person who was perfectly schooled on fears, it would be him. He knew that the boy's real fear was the dark, despite the night-light his parents had installed in his room, the boy still feared the shadows created by it. He had to at least assuage the boy's fears by destroying his crutch.

"What's it look like?"

"Black paint."

"Black paint?"

"Yes, it drips out of my toy box and towards my bed."

"You know Lev and Katja aren't afraid of the dark." He pointed out.

Eli shrugged. "They don't have a toy box with a monster in it in their room."

Well, Crane supposed he couldn't really argue with that logic. "If I take care of this monster, will you promise to go to bed without a hitch?"

"Cars have hitches."

Crane frowned, sometimes he worried about the boy's intelligence. "Yes, I suppose they do. Wait here."

Pushing to his feet, Crane set the book aside and left the boy in the living room, moving into the kitchen for a good weapon.

He opened the knife drawer and picked out the biggest, scariest one he could find, before moving to the fridge for the bottle of ketchup. Tucking the ketchup into his suit jacket, he moved back into the living room and up the stairs to take care of the monster, Eli at his heel curiously.

Turning to him at the door, he ordered the boy to wait outside the door while he moved into the room.

Closing the door between them, Crane moved towards the toy box and promptly began making thumping and fighting sounds, while splattering ketchup on the knife and his hands. It was hard to keep the noise low enough not to wake the three year olds in the next room, but loud enough for the boy to hear, but he must have accomplished his goal because nothing stirred in the house but him and the 'monster'. He had to admit that perhaps he got a little too dramatic with the death rattles towards the end, but he was getting his fun out of the situation.

Touching a 'bloody' hand to his cheek for emphasis, he marched back towards the door, ketchup bottle hidden once more and knife in hand.

On the other side, Eli stood with wide blue eyes.

"Monster's dead." Crane said simply. "I'm in charge of the darkness now and I say there'll be no more monsters in your room ever again."

The boy's wide eyes went from impressed to slightly narrowed. "You smell like ketchup."

"It's the smell of monster blood, go to bed." He stated flatly, passing by the boy without a care.

At the bottom of the stairs, he ran into Eddie and Lina returning home, they both looked at the state of him, holding a large knife, covered in 'blood'.

Eddie pocketed his hands and chuckled. "Monster troubles?"

"How'd you guess?"

"Eddie tried the same thing two weeks ago and it didn't fly." Selina said.


	3. Selina Vs The Cookbook

**What's this? A double update in one day? YES! Because I forgot to thank my reviewers in my last chapter...I'm such a twit! Anyways, because of my stupidity and neglect, here's an extra update today. Because, welp, I feel like a jerk. (Please for to be forgiving me?)  
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**JannaKalderash - Haha, thanks for two reviews, get those out of the way. You know I had a friend who vowed to never have another child, but she ended up having five of them. I suppose somewhere along the way Lina and Eddie wanted another and got two. ^_^**

**jacksparrowlovesme - I hope you don't mind if I tell everybody how much I love your story THE RIDDLE OF THE CAT. I just hope you don't mind it if I told them to GET OVER THERE AND READ THAT STORY NOW! I just hope you don't mind. ^_^ Cannot tell you eloquently how much I love that story. Really. It's like my new addiction. So long Sims 3, hello story!  
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**TanithSeh1011 - Obviously I pondered this long and hard. I always imagined Ed would feel threatened by a boy, especially if the boy turns out to be as smart or smarter than his papa. Of course, he wound up with one, but that's karma I'd imagine.**

**Violeta27 - The best thing about oneshots is that I have a billion of them stewing in the old noodle, so I might update more often now. ^_^**

**There's a heady discussion going on over at our community (link on my profile page), go join the fun and hey, join the community, because I'm posting exclusive stories over there featuring Eddie and Lina. Got a good one brewing, might turn into a multi-chapter monster of a story.  
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><p><strong>Selina Vs. The Cookbook<strong>

"Whatcha doin'?"

She spun around at the sound of Eddie's voice hovering just above her right shoulder, eyes wide with panic. "Okay, you're going to start in on me," she began immediately setting out her preemptive strike against his superior attitude, hands held out, "so I'm just going to say this before you can…I fucked it all up!"

He beamed his thousand and one watt smile and clasped his hands behind his back. "Oh? What'd you fuck up, my dear?"

"Everything…I…" she was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. Things like this didn't happen to her, she was smooth, graceful and never shown in an embarrassing light. Things like this only belonged on an old I Love Lucy rerun. "I'm not as good as I thought I'd be."

"At what, kitten?" He asked innocently.

Oh, now he was just rubbing it in.

"How is someone expected to cook an entire turkey dinner without something burning?" She snarled, suddenly angry at the kitchen around her. "I…the turkey isn't cooking fast enough, the potatoes burned and how the hell do I even make cranberry sauce? Maggie's going to think I'm an idiot! She cooks a turkey dinner almost every Sunday and I can't even handle one Thanksgiving! Plus, Temple's going to complain because the turkey will be served around two in the morning and Crane's going to be an asshole like always and my damned gut keeps getting in the way, I just want this kid out of me now!"

"Calm down." Eddie said. "Breathe."

She did just that, taking a deep breath. "I'm not usually this emotional, Ed."

"Pregnancy hormones, I know, now calm down before you go into labour." He helped her up onto a stool at their island counter and she flopped her head into her hands heavily, peeking out at him through her fingers.

"Help?" She asked meekly.

He tilted his head. "Why, Selina dear, I seem to recall a certain pussycat throwing a dish towel in my face and telling me to get my skinny ass out of the kitchen, now was that you or was that the tabby in the corner?"

She swallowed. "I'm sorry. Please help?"

Stooping down to look her in the eyes, he smirked. "I couldn't quite catch that, my dear. Once more for the cheap seats?"

"I hate you so much." She turned a sharply nailed finger on him, jabbing in in his face accusingly. "You did this to me! I should have given you a vasectomy in your sleep before any of this could have happened! I didn't want another one, but you had to go and charm your way into my bed! You bastard!"

Eddie didn't help the situation by chuckling. "You're the one who wanted another, remember? I was opposed, but you said Eli should have a brother or a sister so that he won't grow up to be a lonesome little boy."

Selina scowled. "Well...you had a wicked hand in this too."

"Heh heh, yeah I did." He replied.

She growled. Literally growled.

"Oh," his eyebrows touched his hairline. "Okay, then you're on your own. I'll be in the garage with the door locked."

He made it as far as the kitchen door, before she cooed.

"Help me? Please?"

Eddie turned around with a grin. "Okay, first things first! I've noticed that the recipe for turkey that you're using is Fahrenheit, you have the oven set to the Celsius temperature. Which is why the turkey seems to be enjoying a warm summer day in the oven." He moved across the room and adjusted the oven temperature, before removing his suit jacket. "Secondly, the turkey will be a while, you don't need to get the potatoes boiling this soon, thirdly cranberry sauce comes in cans now, it can be purchased at your local grocery store."

"I hate you so much right now." She said weakly.

His eyes twinkled as he pocketed his hands. "I love you too, kitten."

Again he made it as far as the door, before she called him back. "Eddie? What about dessert?"

Touching a hand to his chin he pondered this. "Hmmm, how about I go and buy something from the store? Save you the grey hair."

She smirked.

Seeing her happier, Eddie beamed again and moved across the room to press a kiss to her temple.

"If you tell anyone I had a breakdown and needed your help, I'll kill you," she said softly.

He continued to smile. "I know, kitten."

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><p><strong>Five internet dollars to spend at any fake internet site to the person who spots a line similar to one used in my favourite Tom Hanks movie ever in this oneshot.<strong>


	4. Bruce Wayne Goes Christmas Shopping

**jacksparrowlovesme - I cannot wait for the next chapter in your story. I'm jonesing over here!**

**We****ll, JannaKalderash, you asked for it. So I give you...**

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><p><strong>Bruce Wayne Goes Christmas Shopping<strong>

Alfred offered to do the shopping, but Bruce actually wanted to try it himself this year.

There was an oddly strange lull in Gotham and he decided to go out and buy some gifts at Harrington's.

It was one of those beautiful winter days, the skies were blue and clear, the snow almost blindingly white to one just coming out of the dim yellow lighting of a manor.

Across the street, people bustled about smiling and wishing each other 'Happy Holidays' and Gotham almost felt like a small town for the season.

Of course, like Jekyll and Hyde, the town would grow dark and sinister with the dying of the Sun God, but for the moment, for just one happy moment, Gotham was a small town where everybody knew everybody else and peace and love actually reigned.

Inside Harrington's Department Store, parents lined up with their children to see Santa and grandparents wandered about, arms and carts full of toys.

Smiling at a young high school girl who was dressed as an elf, handing out coupons for Boxing Day, he stepped past the threshold into a winter wonderland created with lots of love and glittery lights.

Up on his dais, Santa let out a soulful belly laugh, causing a whirl of joy to flutter across the sea of his young admirers.

Stepping past the long, thick line of children waiting to see the jolly old elf, Bruce headed upstairs. He wasn't good at picking out gifts, but Alfred had taken the forethought to write down some suggestions for him.

A silk scarf for Barbara, some video games for Tim, a new leather wallet for Dick. Of course, Bruce was hoping to take the suggestions to the next level. He never cheaped out at Christmas and he wasn't about to begin this year.

A car for Tim perhaps, some fine jewellery for Barbara (although he knew she'd be just as happy with a bevy of books and some French perfume), and Dick. Dick would get whatever Bruce could find. He wasn't a hard man to buy for, everything seemed to please him.

As always, Alfred was the first on his list. The man was like a father and always came first for Bruce.

Alfred's old fedora was getting worn a little, so his first stop was the upstairs hat department.

Standing in front of the display of fine hats, he heard an infectious giggle, before he saw a small blur breeze past.

He took a step back to avoid having the little thing run right into his legs as the young boy tore down the aisle.

Behind the little man a tall, lanky father hurried, laughing as well.

Bruce immediately recognized the laugh. He had heard it on far darker days.

Pulling a hat off the display, he put it on and tugged it low, observing as Edward Nygma caught up with the boy.

"Caught you, you little devil!" He exclaimed.

The boy, obviously not distressed about being manhandled by the Riddler, laughed his infectious giggle and squirmed in Edward's arm.

He was a cute little boy of about four, with big blue eyes fringed with long, thick lashes. His pale cheeks were touched with pink and his hair was such a deep burgundy red, that it was almost black, and it was tousled and careless.

The child wasn't dressed like any other Bruce had ever seen. This boy wore a blue button up shirt under a green sweater vest and had dress pants on that were tucked into typical children's snowboots. He didn't seem to mind the dress clothes one bit, as though he wore them everyday.

"Your mother is going to rain down fury on both our heads if we don't meet up with her." Edward said.

Curious now, Bruce followed the two as they wandered off towards the children's clothing section of Harrington's upstairs. He knew Edward and Selina had stepped out of the underworld of Gotham, though he knew the Riddler and Catwoman still put in their mandatory appearances from time to time, but he didn't even know they had a child. Or had Edward gotten himself involved with another woman? Selina would never have children. She wasn't the type.

Every now and then, on their way through the store, the little boy in Edward's arms would point at something and his father would pause before it, allowing the child to soak it in with wide, curious eyes.

Bruce suddenly felt old as it sunk in that this wasn't some kidnapped child, but Edward Nygma's own flesh and blood. The man would allow his son to touch things that were soft or interesting, but there was more to it than that. Every now and then, the boy would lovingly lay his head against the Riddler's chest and he would press a kiss into the boy's hair with a strange, small smile.

He felt like a voyeur following the two, but Bruce had to see just who this 'mother' was. He knew it must have been Selina and yet he still felt like it couldn't be. She would have never agreed to be a mother, there was no way she could be domesticated.

But then again, whenever Catwoman and the Riddler turned up in Gotham's underworld, it was never because of a crime they were committing. Batman would cross paths with them now and then, just lingering about on rooftops, in seedy bars and still putting in face time in the underbelly, but they never bothered with him. Could it be they kept up the farce to distract people from what was actually happening in their lives? That, perhaps they had retired, but still showed up from time to time to keep people from wondering about it too much?

If Bruce had really paid attention, if they wouldn't have shown up while he was in the middle of something, he would have pondered it, he supposed. But their rouse must have worked, because he never once questioned their purpose.

Ahead of him Edward set the boy down on the ground as they stepped into the pet department and the little man, well behaved despite having a huge amount of energy, eyed the cages of the animals with a bright, familiar grin.

"Kitty!" He exclaimed, pointing at a fluffy white cat in a cage. "Daddy, kitty!"

"Don't you ever get tired of seeing cats, little prince?" Edward asked.

"No." The boy replied.

"He gets his good taste from his mom, thankfully."

Bruce ducked back behind a tower of fish tanks as Selina Kyle stepped into sight from where she had been around the corner.

It was a shock to see her out of her costume, black hair long and gently curled at the ends giving her a softer, more feminine look than her shortly cropped hair had. But what shocked him more was the sight of her stomach, distended, swollen with child.

Bruce felt his world tilt.

Edward took the basket she was carrying off her hands and gave her a peck on the top of her head.

"Sorry, kitten, we got distracted in bedding. Eli wanted to look at all the different colours and patterns."

The little boy, Eli, wrapped his arms around his mother's hips and hugged her, resting his head against her belly. "They had ladybugs!" He touched her gut gingerly and repeated to it, "ladybugs."

Bruce's heart broke a little as Selina touched a motherly hand to her son's hair and tried to make some order of it. She did it like it was such a natural thing to do for her, she did it like a woman who had done it since birth. He supposed Selina Kyle was the motherly type after all.

_Proves how well you really knew her, Bruce. _He thought.

"We saw'd some trains and dolls and there were these trees that weren't real trees because they were small and there was houses and then someone came by and pressed a button and they lit up!" The boy exclaimed. "The trains were fun!"

"Display window." Edward explained.

Selina took her son's hand. "That sounds pretty fun, will you show mom later?"

"Yes!"

"Do you want to go meet Santa?" She asked.

Bruce stepped back as the three of them began moving towards him down the aisle.

"Uncle," the boy began, hesitating because he was going too fast to keep up with his mouth, "Uncle Jon says Santa is a tire ant because he makes his elves work all year long."

"Tire ant?" Edward asked as they passed Bruce.

Watching as an old nemesis and girlfriend both walked off holding their son's hands, Bruce couldn't help but smile a little. At least little Eli kept them honest, he thought. Pulling out his pen, he opened his list and added another name at the bottom. Eli Nygma, toy train.

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><p><strong>This entire one-shot is obviously dedicated to JannaKalderash who gave me the idea. I hope it made you happy, Janna.<strong>

**If anyone else has any little one-shot ideas they'd like to see in future chapters, give me a heads up and I'll try my hand at them.**


	5. Sir Uncle Jon

**CarpalTunnelLove - O.O Oh no, hope you're okay! ^_^**

**Hush 2.0 - I always wanted to do a Killer Moth or a Manbat story, but I'm afraid I wouldn't do them as much justice...I'll seriously consider your suggestion though. See if I can find inspiration by delving into some back issues of Batman.**

**jacksparrowlovesme - I'm glad you find Eli cute. I was kind of worried he'd come off poorly since sometimes when people write children they come off as annoying. I'm trying to keep him real by researching childhood behaviour and how they react to their world, while still giving him an identity. It's harder then one would think to write a child character. At least for me.**

**JannaKalderash - I'm glad you liked my last one-shot. I was worried you might not enjoy how I brought your suggestion to light.**

**LittleBiscuit - I completely agree with you. Sometimes ships can be pretty stinky (some people get too extreme about their ships and sometimes I can be that way, but I still agree with you on the whole avoiding ships thing). I'm glad you enjoy these stories! ^_^**

**bleedy - Aw, thanks! I didn't think it was that powerful, but thanks all the same! I think it's sad that Bruce missed out on his opportunity, but he's basically a decent guy, so he'd be happy for them at least.**

**Robot521, you asked for more Uncle Jon and I have delivered this to you, so in a way this one-shot is dedicated to you. ^_^**

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><p><strong>Sir Uncle Jon<strong>

It would have been just like any other day - Jonathan Crane, seated comfortably in his favourite overstuffed chair in the living room of the 'O'Hara's' warm home in Little Gotham with a book in hand and long legs crossed primly - had it not been for the plastic, fake silver helmet he wore on his head topped with a rather festive red plume. The beaver was poised on his forehead out of his eyes.

At his feet a tiny Princess dressed in purple glared daggers at him, hands on her hips.

"You're supposed to save me, Uncle Jon!" She growled.

He was the goddamned Purveyor of Fear, he didn't have to put up with this!

So why did he keep coming back? Selina's cooking had improved since the twins were born and the house was warmer than his lair. Plus Harley was beginning to get those motherly stars in her eyes and he needed to lay low for a while.

The irony of escaping being tie down by a child to a home filled with them wasn't lost on him.

Usually they all kept each other busy, but Selina had dashed off with Lev to the store, Eli was in school and Edward was out doing whatever it was he did to make money for the brood.

Which was how Jonathan Crane, once a proud, distinguished psychologist, came to be the fool in his own personal hell.

At his feet the little Princess of the household glowered at him, her striking sky blue eyes holding a bit of her mother's patent chill in them.

"You're not nice!" She declared.

"Oh, that hurt." He replied evenly.

Flopping onto the floor in a sea of frilly purple sateen and lace, the little girl huffed and pouted.

But Katja had her mother's stubborn nature as well as her black hair and fair skin, so she skipped off shortly, leaving Crane to remove the helmet and toss it aside.

Two pages later he glanced up to find the little one standing there holding a green mass of latex out to him.

She smiled hopefully. "You can be the dragon."

"Dragon?" He asked, closing his book to take the mask.

"He chases me around and goes 'rowr!'. Like that." She said.

Quirking a brow, Crane smirked coldly. "You want me to scare you?"

She nodded.

"I think I can do that." He replied, removing his glasses to pull the mask on.

Kat giggled and clapped her hands.

Using his long limbs, he got down on all fours and snarled at her.

She squealed and took off for the kitchen, with her Uncle Jon in hot pursuit, snarling and growling up a storm.

If there was one thing he was good at it was scaring people. He chased her around the house for a good thirty minutes before he cornered her in her in the dining room between the wall and a potted plant. It wasn't until he saw the tears in her eyes that he realized perhaps his growls were a little too convincing. He had actually scared the little girl and she was no longer fleeing for fun but out of fear.

He paused.

Scaring people always brought a strange thrill to him, but for some reason this didn't give him any joy.

Slowly he removed the mask. He didn't understand children, but he knew well enough how to comfort a crying one.

Kat sobbed and sniffled. "You're mean!"

Crane tossed the mask aside. "It's okay, Katja." He said. "It's just me."

She glared at him for the longest time, before rubbing at her eyes.

Holding open his arms, he found he was actually deeply sorry for scaring her so badly. He had gotten caught up in the thrill of the hunt. "I won't hurt you, princess."

Still sniffling and rubbing at her eyes, she studied him quietly, before leaping into his arms.

Crane scooped her up and held her tight as she buried her face in his neck.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He whispered.

There were many things he called many people, but not even Harley got called 'sweetheart' by him. It just wasn't in his vocabulary.

She pulled away from his neck to look him in the eye. "You're a scary dragon."

"I am, but I'll never scare you again." He said.

Kat seemed to contemplate this, her little blue eyes narrowing, before she leaned out and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Okay."

He smiled, a genuine smile at her.

From that day on whenever Kat and Uncle Jon played 'kingdom' Uncle Jon always played her knight-in-shining-armour with no complaints.


	6. Selina Vs The Door

**laal ratty - I like your ideas...they might pop up soon enough! ^_^**

**JannaKalderash - Squee to you too.**

**Esmeralda Smith - You can't hug every cat.  
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**Wafia Primo - Well thanks, now I'm craving caramel...**

**jacksparrowlovesme - I really want to hug a cat...still thinking about the song...sorry. But yeah, Crane is a tall, crazy, skinny, snuggly puff! *girly face* But seriously. I love him.  
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**bleedy - It's easy to make Crane a mindless monster, but in all of the Batman villains there is a certain amount of humanity. Even the Joker, who is a complete crazy jerk, but still his story makes me a little sad sometimes...**

**This chapter might be terrible, but I was feeling a little weird this morning, so I give you...  
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><p><strong>Selina Vs. The Door<strong>

There were three unspoken rules that both her and Eddie seemed to adhere to in their relationship.

One. Despite the fact that they weren't legally bound they were faithful to each other.

Two. They never brought a fight home from the underworld. If something happened while they were Riddler and Catwoman, it never carried over into the O'Hara's world.

And three. Eddie never bothered her in her basement work-out room and she never trespassed into their detached garage to see what he was tinkering with at his workbench.

Seven years into their relationship and she never once ventured into his domain.

Whenever she went into the kitchen from whatever she was doing to get something, however, she always found herself looking out the window over the sink at the door on the side of the garage with curious, almost wistful eyes. But she never dared interrupt him in his world, she didn't think he'd like for her to poke her nose into his space. So she'd get what she needed and go back to her life.

But always in the back of her mind that curiosity over what his space looked like inside prodded at her, poking the grey matter like a tumour growing, pushing things out of place slowly, until finally one day she went to the sink to rinse off a plate of banana pudding that Eli had for breakfast, she finally snapped.

That taunting image of the garage finally got to her and she couldn't take it anymore.

With Eli at school and the twins down for their mid-afternoon nap, she left the house, baby monitor in hand and walked down the sidewalk beside their home, heading for the garage.

Outside it was a beautiful early autumn day and nothing made a sound in their sleepy neighbourhood as she stepped out into the sunshine, passing by the lilac bush that grew at the back corner of their home.

Halfway to the garage, she hesitated.

She really didn't want to interrupt him. He never did it to her when she was working out.

Still, her curiosity was her downfall.

With slow, almost fearful steps she approached the door at the side of the garage and paused in the cool shade. She inhaled to calm herself, before knocking.

It wasn't until she knocked that she realized she didn't have much of a game plan. After all, what did she come there for?

_God, Lina, you've been out of the game far too long. You're getting rusty at this._

When the door didn't open after a moment, she turned sharply on her heel and marched off, thankful that she had time to flee.

What the hell did she think she was doing? He respected her privacy, but she just needed to poke her mug into his own space? He wouldn't want here there.

"Selina?" Eddie called after her.

She spun around at the lilac bush. "Hn?"

He closed the door and took a step out of his garage into the sunlight. "What's wrong, kitten?"

"Nothing. Looking for the scissors, but never mind." She said quickly.

He tilted his head. "Scissors?"

"I'll find them." She said. "I didn't mean to bother you."

Those blue eyes of his twinkled impishly. "Bother me?"

"Just drop it, Ed." She snapped, embarrassed at herself.

Eddie's brow furrowed delicately and he pocketed his hands. "Come here, kitten." He said motioning towards his garage with a tilt of his head, before leading the way to the door.

She waited for a minute, before slowly following him.

He had already ducked into the door by the time she got there, so she paused at the open threshold.

Inside she saw all manners of tools and gadgets, some hanging from the ceiling due to lack of space, but all of it very orderly in a chaotic way. Directly across from the door Eddie sat regally on a green velvet Queen Anne sofa, his arms stretched across the back, his legs crossed.

"Are you waiting for an invitation?" He asked.

She poked her head into the garage slowly, taking it all in. "Are you sure I won't be bothering you?"

"You're never a bother, my queen." He said softly. "Come in, sit here beside me."

Carefully she stepped into his domain, crossing the cement floor to ease down at his side.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"It's stupid, Ed." She said.

"Nothing that comes out of your mouth has ever been stupid…well except when you told me you 'loved Bruce Wayne' once, but even smart people are bound to have a flaw." He pointed out, before adding, "not me of course."

"I guess," she began, "I guess I just wanted to see the inside of your world."

"My world? You mean the garage?"

She looked away. "I wanted to give you your space."

"Space? Kitten, if I wanted space I'd build a rocket and shoot myself through the stratosphere." He replied, casually laying back, resting his head in her lap and letting his long legs stretch out.

"I just didn't want to invade your privacy." She went on, looking down at him.

He chuckled. "Why, Selina Kyle, why the hell would I have a sofa in the garage if it wasn't for someone to lounge on while I worked?" Reaching up, he tweaked her chin. "It's always been here waiting for you, my queen, but you never came."

Tilting her head back, she realized that above the sofa were pictures carefully cut out of magazines of various kitties doing various things, but artistically interacting with each other. At the arm closest to her, on a table was a stack of Vogue magazines that had to be at least five years old, the one on the top was the newest copy.

Reaching out, she set the baby monitor on the table beside the magazines with a shaking hand. Unsure how to react.

In her lap Eddie beamed broadly and sat up to press a kiss to her cheek. "I never really knew why you never came out here to see me. I always thought you enjoyed the peace and quiet you got from my absence inside the house."

She shook her head.

Touching a hand to the side of her face, Eddie brought her close enough to kiss her softly. "Well, if you get thirsty I put some of that peach juice you like in the mini fridge to your left and there's some milk in there too. It's all for you so help yourself."

She watched him go back to his workbench, hands in her lap.

"Why?"

Eddie bowed his head to his work. "Because I love you."

She studied his back for the longest time. For some odd reason she was touched by the amount of thought he put into the little space in his world that he reserved for her.

Seven years of her thinking he wanted to distance himself from her, became seven years she missed out on the chance to be with him if only to peruse Vogue while he tinkered with his gadgets.


	7. Selina & The Key

**jacksparrowlovesme - I agree! More, more, more...of your story! Come on, I'm dying over here!**

**Esmeralda Smith - Cats are only rabid because they caught it from dogs. Dogs. The blight of Catdom.**

**Robot521 - ^_^ Thanks, I was worried they wouldn't go over well at all. I started them as a sort of time killer until my next story is up and ready.**

**LittleBiscuit - Wow, your review was super nice! ^_^ Thanks! I always figured that if Eddie ever really tried, he could be super romantic and sweet, once he put his ego on the back burner.**

**Violeta27 - Rowsdower saves us and saves all the wooOoorld! (don't know why I said that, I have MST3K on the brain...ah, you get me...)  
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**I make no apologies for how sappy this chapter is. However, I will apologize for such a long time between uploads, I'm working on a new Eddie/Lina fic and it's dominating my life right now. It's being difficult, but I hope it'll be worth it.  
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**That being said, this idea came to me from LittleBiscuit, I hope you like it, LittleBiscuit (your screen name makes me hungry, but in a small way). They asked me about the key in The Summer of Scarecrow and what it was for, as I had to take out the scene that explained it from the story as it felt out of place, it left a bit of a gaping hole in the story, so I sheepishly offer you this closure.  
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><p><strong><span>Selina &amp; The Key<span>**

She set the last of the boxes on the floor by the bed.

It was hard to believe she acquired that much junk since they had moved to their home, but apparently when you weren't on the run from the law as often as she had been before Eli came along, you collected junk.

Opening a box, she plopped onto the floor and folded her legs, going through things that she wasn't even sure why she kept. Mismatched socks, shoes that were worn beyond repair, hair clips from the early nineties.

There was an entire box for the children's art, which she set aside to keep.

The next box was mildly interesting as it contained things from before the move, things she had packed and had never had a reason to unpack. They remained in their original boxes that came from her apartment to this house and she was suddenly curious. Over the years she had forgotten about the box completely.

Things went into piles to donate, to toss and to keep, among them an old envelop that had been folded and tucked into a wooden jewellery box filled with reject earrings.

She opened it curiously and read the letter inside.

_Where first and last blood was spilt and the boy reborn, the Princely fortune rests at the feet of Queens. Bring together ten knights of the highest order, five bards to sing our praise and thirty-two Lords and Ladies with which they shall dine, they'll meet where the magnolia's never grew, but are championed forever._

Ah, it was Eddie's last will and testament of sorts. She dug through the earrings to find the key she knew went with the note and pulling it out, she shook off an earring that clung to the hole.

She had completely forgotten about the key. In all the mess of Eddie's last stand against the Joker, she had crammed the letter into the jewellery box and had forgotten about it.

Amazed that it was so long since all of that, she pushed to her feet and headed down the stairs.

Eddie was in the garage, bent over a lamp he was rewiring.

"Eddie?" She asked, entering his space.

He turned in his seat and smiled. "Kitten."

"What's this key for?" She asked, holding it up.

Looking over his glasses at it, he scowled. "A Dodge Dart?"

She handed him the note. "You gave it to me along with this, remember?"

Taking the note he studied it, before chuckling to himself. "Of course. You finally opened it?"

"Yeah," she lied.

"Well, you're just going to have to follow the riddle." He said turning back to his work. "Go on, I'll be here."

"Can't you just tell me?" She purred, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning against his back.

"Yes. But I won't."

"Eddie?" She went on.

"Kitten, the treasure at the end of the game is less sweet when the player cheats." He replied.

She pulled away. "Fine. Hold down the fort."

"Take your time."

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><p>She pulled up in front of 10532 Magnolia Street.<p>

That part of the riddle was easy, but the rest was gibberish to her, at least until she arrived.

The house had changed, different colours, the hydrangea bush in the front was bigger, but it was still the same old house from the background of the family portrait of Eddie's. Driving on, she pulled the car around to the alley and parked it.

Hoping the occupants weren't home, she crept over the backyard fence and into the yard.

Peeking into a few windows, she found no sign of life, and so she moved to the backdoor and tried the key in the lock. She didn't expect it to fit, it was a smaller key than most house keys, but she thought she'd try anyways.

Carefully she picked the lock. On an old door on an old house it was a simple lock and she was given entrance easily.

First thing she did was move carefully about the house to ensure she was alone, before opening the note and trying to decipher the rest.

Well, if this was Eddie's family home, then the part 'where first and last blood was spilt' would mean the basement where his father took him to beat him.

She searched for the basement door and found it in a small walk in pantry to the left of the kitchen.

Moving down the stairs into a basement lit only by the light that streamed in from the narrow windows at ground level, she headed across the floor to stand in the centre of the room.

The walls were cinder blocks painted a dull white, but Selina could see where a few cracks had been patched up clumsily with plaster.

The morbid thought came to her of just where Eddie's father might have beaten him. She somehow didn't want to set foot in that spot, like a person might be adverse to stepping in a spot where someone was murdered.

She took a deep breath.

_The Princely fortune rests at the feet of Queens._

Getting onto her hands and knees, she eyed the floor and the area all around her new eye level.

Under the stairs she spied a cinder block that stuck out much further from the rest, but had been hastily smoothed with more plaster to create a softly rectangular bump in the wall.

Hoping it was the right place, she looked for something to pry the cinder block out with and came up with an actual crowbar hanging on a tool board on the wall with a multitude of other tools.

She grabbed that and a chisel and hammer, before crouching low to get at the bump.

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><p>Slamming the safety deposit box that held a single box of Prince brand Cat Cookies onto Eddie's workbench, she snarled.<p>

"Very funny, Ed!"

She stormed across the floor of the garage to the melody of Eddie's infectious laughter, grumbling about it being a waste of gas and time, heading for the door.

He stopped her just outside the door with a calmer, "did you even open the box?"

"Of course I did," she said, marching back into the garage. "How stupid do you think I am?"

Without a word, he opened the box and held it out to her, before tipping it over, dumping the contents of it onto the floor. After a handful of cat treats fell out, a white envelop tumbled out as well, landing on top of them like a slightly less than graceful feather.

He smirked smugly.

Scowling, she stooped and scooped up the envelop, she left the garage, closing the door behind her with a little more force than it really deserved

Standing on the stoop before the door, she inhaled deeply and calmed herself, before opening the envelop.

Inside was a single Shakespearean sonnet. Sonnet 57.

Memories of that Halloween night so many years ago flooded her and she smiled softly.

He had spoken the words so solemnly, with so much conviction.

She could even remember the gleam in his eye as he recited it to her as her hands wandered his body, as they rolled around on the pile of costumes on the floor of the Personal Effects Lock-Up.

Suddenly she felt bad for being so hard on him.

Sheepishly she opened the door and stepped inside once more.

He spun around on his stool and eyed her with laughing eyes.

"I'm sorry, Eddie." She said, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

The laughter died in his eyes and he suddenly became very still.

"I'm really hard on you sometimes, aren't I?" She asked. "I mean, it's the stupidest, smallest things you do for me, but…I don't do much for you, do I?"

"Kitten," he began in a hard tone, "if you say one more thing, I'll walk out that door and never come back."

She fell silent immediately.

Eddie pushed to his feet, face still blank and unreadable.

Was he angry? Had she thrown one too many temper tantrums?

But as he drew near, she saw a small, quiet sparkle in his eyes.

He kissed her softly, there was no need for him to be rough or fast with the kiss, not at the stage they were at in their relationship.

Holding her face in his elegant hands, he took his time kissing her and when he drew back, that twinkle was back in his eyes.

"You have no idea just how much you do for me, my queen." He said. "Things no one has ever done or will ever do for me. I'm broken, but you don't mind. I'm arrogant, but you humble me. For every thing I am, you counterbalance it perfectly. You've given me things I never even knew I wanted and if you start thinking that anything you do annoys me or angers me, just remember that I wouldn't have chosen just anyone. The only woman for me is a perfect completion of all that I am. Do you see?"

She nodded quietly.

"Good, now get naked because the kids will be home in an hour and that doesn't give us much time for a little tickle and squeal." He said.

She laughed and shoved him away. "Not going to happen, Valentino."

He chuckled as well. "Ah, well, you can't fault a man for trying."


	8. Eli & The Science Fair

**Eli & The Science Fair  
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Public school #42 was the host school for the citywide grade five Science and Technology Fair and children from all over Gotham swarmed there with their dioramas and their displays.

But it was one particular boy who stole the show that year.

Down an aisle among a sea of aisles a crowd had gathered around ten year old Eli O'Hara's booth to watch the boy's demonstrations.

The boy, short for his age, stood on a little step stool to point at his slideshow, explaining how exactly he constructed his artificial diamond machine. Of course they were already used widely in industry, but this was the first time a ten year old boy had built his own without using an eighth of the space that the industrial machines used.

Everyone whispered how the boy was so well spoken, so comfortable explaining his process. Some even remarked on the boy's freckles, his little suit and tie and his adorably roguish smile.

When the little man's voice began to crack from explaining his process for nearly four hours straight, the Head of Judges for the Fair stepped in, pulling the boy aside.

"We have a surprise for you, young man." Miss Spencer, the teacher in charge of the judging said.

"Chocolate milk? I was promised chocolate milk." Eli replied.

She chuckled softly. "You'll get some in a bit, but first I'd like to introduce you to someone who's taken a deep interest in your project."

From out of the crowds a tall, broad shouldered man stepped.

Eli knew the man. His face was always on the news, always smiling, blue-grey eyes always sparkling. Despite the smiles, Eli always thought the man seemed a little sad to him, like he was forced into another man's face.

He supposed it was just whimsy.

"Hi there, Eli. I'm-"

"Bruce Wayne, son of Thomas and Martha Wayne. You're the famous Mr. Wayne from WayneTech and Wayne Enterprises, not to mention all other Wayne affiliated businesses peppered around the city."

"That's me and you're a very smart little boy, Eli." Bruce Wayne said, kneeling down to come to Eli's height.

Eli tilted his chin down a little. "I just like to put things together. I don't think that's all that smart."

"Who taught you how to put things together, Eli?"

"My dad. He's the smartest man on earth."

Bruce chuckled, it was warm and Eli liked the sound of it. "He sounds like a brilliant man. Did he help you with this project?"

"No, sir." Eli protested. "Well, he helped me find the parts I needed. They wouldn't let me into the junkyard alone, but I designed and built the entire thing…except for the welding, I'm too young to use an arc welder."

"You're an amazingly smart boy."

"Again, sir, I just put things together. Are you here because someone said I got help? Because it's not cheating if my dad helped me with the dangerous parts, my teacher said so."

"No, I'm not here because of that, son. I heard about your machine there and came all the way from my office tower to meet with you in person."

"Okay."

"I'd like to discuss maybe putting some of your machines in my heavy equipment businesses to make diamonds for drilling." Mr. Wayne said, reaching into his pocket. "Look, here's my business card, you talk it over with your parents and tell them to call me. We'll arrange a meeting."

Eli looked over the card. "I'll see what I can do, Mr. Wayne."

"In the meantime, maybe you better take a little break, your voice sounds a little rough."

"I'll be fine once I get my chocolate milk." He assured the man, sticking out his hand. "It was my one demand upon winning, but they didn't have any on hand."

Bruce Wayne took it firmly and shook with a friendly grin. "It's been a real pleasure meeting you, Eli."

"You too, Mr. Wayne."

As the man started off, Eli remembered something and took up a pamphlet from his table. "Mr. Wayne?" He called out.

The man turned.

Eli held out the pamphlet. "Would you like a pamphlet on why we need to put an end to the mining of blood diamonds?"

"You made up a pamphlet?"

"Blood diamonds are bad, you should read it."

Bruce Wayne beamed broadly, his kind eyes crinkling at the corners. "I will, thank you."

Eli beamed back at the man. He was told it was his daddy's grin.

At the boy's bright smile, Bruce Wayne and tilted his head. "That grin is just like your dad's."

"Do you know him?"

"We've met years ago, you could say I'm an old business acquaintance."

Eli beamed wider. "I'll tell him you say 'hi'."

"Sure and tell your mother 'hi' too, hm?"

"Okay."

Long after Bruce Wayne disappeared into the crowds, Eli wandered back to his booth to take a short break and wait for his chocolate milk, working on his book of crosswords until his mother returned for him. He thought about Bruce Wayne. How much he liked the sound of the man's voice, how it made him feel safe. Eli wondered if the man used to make his parents feel safe.

Glancing around, he pulled out a little black book he kept on his person at all times and marked down a new name under 'W'.

_Wayne, Bruce_. He wrote.

_Profession: Business, CEO._

_Age: Unspecified._

_Alignment: Good._

He had a whole book filled with people he met, people he liked got 'good' and people he didn't like got 'bad'. So far most of them were good. He wasn't sure why he kept track of things like that, but he met so many people, he liked to remember how they made him feel for future reference.

Eli tucked the book away and went back to his crosswords.

"Who's brilliant contraption is this?" Someone asked from beside him.

Glancing up, the boy beamed. "Dad!" He leapt out of his chair and threw his arms around his father's waist. "Mom said you weren't coming."

"Did she? Why wouldn't I come?" He asked, smoothing Eli's hair down.

Eli loved when his dad did that, it reminded him that his dad might act aloof at times, but that deep down there was no doubt that he loved him.

"So," his dad said, hefting Eli up onto the chair and stooping a little to bring his son to eye level with him, "I heard a clever little man won first prize."

Nodding, Eli grabbed hold of the blue ribbon attached to his little suit jacket at the lapel. "Yeah, first prize. They're bringing me chocolate milk."

"I bet that made your day," his dad said.

"Yes! And then, Mr. Bruce Wayne stopped by and gave me his business card. He said he wants to do business with me." Eli pulled out the business card.

His father took it and studied the card with a quirked brow.

Eli hoped that one day he could do that so that he could look like his dad when his dad was deep in thought. He practiced in the mirror, but his eyebrow refused to work with him.

"I see, well, we'll have to discuss this with your mother."

"Okay." Hopping down from the chair, little Eli put his book of crosswords away in his knapsack.

"I bought something for my conquering little professor." His dad said, handing the card back to his son.

Eli tucked it away in his knapsack as well. "What is it?"

"Well, it was too big to drag in here, so I left it at home. But I brought a picture of it waiting for you in your bedroom." He said.

Reaching out for the digital camera his father held down to him, Eli looked at the screen.

There taking up nearly an entire wall of his bedroom was that salt water aquarium he wanted.

His eyes lit up.

"And don't think it's a reward for winning," his dad said. "I was going to buy it for you anyways."

"I can put a lot of fish in there and I'll study them! I can breed my own fish!" Eli exclaimed. He was so excited he forgot to thank his father, but managed to remember the manners his mother taught him, throwing his arms around his dad's waist again. "Thanks, daddy!"

His father, usually not much of a cuddler, knelt down and held him tight against his chest.

It wasn't that his father never touched them or forbade them from hugging or kissing him, but he just seemed content to enjoy his own space and let his children enjoy theirs. That wasn't to say that he never gave them goodnight kisses when they were afraid of the stormy nights or tweaked their chins when they were nervous. In fact Kat often liked to crawl into his lap when he was reading and he never once denied her his lap. Eli even did it a few times. Not Lev, though. Lev was content just as he was, and Eli always assumed he got that from their father. The two of them were too content to ever share the same space, but Lev didn't even do that with mom. He just liked to be alone.

But for some reason all three children respected their father like a deity. He was untouchable.

But at that moment, Eli's dad was just another father congratulating his son.

"I'm very proud of you, my prince." His dad said, pressing a kiss to Eli's forehead.

Eli beamed.


	9. The Kids Vs The Past

**jacksparrowlovesme - I'm glad to see people aren't annoyed that I'm still putting out some of these silly little oneshots. ^_^ I have a million of them I wrote after the series ended I'm only now polishing them up enough to post. I thought maybe they'd be old news by now.**

**CarpalTunnelLove - Oh noes! I didn't mean to give you the diabeetus! Apologies all around.**

**NoSpillBlood - Aw, you made me 'aw'. Thanks for your review, it brightened my day.**

**Vi - True story, I forced myself to learn how to quirk a brow when I was a kid, because I wanted to be a Vulcan. Yes. I'm a horrible nerd.**

**Geez, this chapter was tempting me to turn it into a multi-chapter, it seemed so interesting, but alas no one wants to read a multi-chapter thing like this. Ah well, here's a one shot dedicated once more to laal ratty who wanted to see a scene where the kids discover their parents past. I hope this pleases you, laal.**

**And everyone go easy on this chapter, I'm not a big fan of writing original characters on this site and I wouldn't have done this chapter if it wasn't requested and didn't sound kind of intriguing. I'm actually really nervous about this one.  
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><p><strong>The Kids Vs. The Past<strong>

The house was quiet.

It always seemed to be quiet, even when they were growing up and terrorizing the joint.

Kat had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that it was a larger home, built to absorb the sounds of screaming kids.

Sitting at the island in the kitchen, she was working on her Ethics homework, a report on past villains in Gotham history. She had to pick one before tomorrow, but there were so many.

Puzzling over her laptop, she sorted through profiles and pictures, trying to settle on one, when her twin brother wandered in.

As much as she loved Lev, he creeped her out. He was always sulking quietly, hovering around, hiding in the shadows and he moved like a cat in the night, so one never quite knew when he was lingering.

He - like Kat - had their mother's dark hair and fair skin and their father's sharp blue eyes fringed with long, thick dark lashes, which gave him ethereal, almost angelic looks.

The girls would flock, she supposed, if he wasn't so weird.

Pouring a glass of water for himself, Lev eyed her quietly, before wandering out of the room again.

Kat went back to work.

She was studying a picture of Two-Face, taking in his scarred side with a slight frown. Most of the villains were gross, she couldn't even bring herself to look at Clayface or Killer Croc's pictures.

"Whatcha working on?"

Kat nearly fell off her chair. "Jesus, Lev!" She growled.

He eyed her eerily, before turning his eyes on her work.

"Ethics, hn? It's a clown class." He replied taking a sip of water.

"Fuck, you lapped me," she panted, hands shaking from the shock. "I have to pick a villain and do a report on them."

Lev quirked a dark, graceful brow. "Pick one at random."

"That's unethical, don't you think?"

"Who cares?" He replied. "It's just a class."

"I care."

"Fuck it, do one on…" he reached over her to press a random button in the find bar.

The 'R' section came up.

"Ra's al ghul?" He asked.

She pushed him away from her computer. "Get off, you human loser."

He backed up, but took a seat at her side, sipping at his water.

She didn't know what was up with him, since he hit puberty all he did was drink water and nibble saltines.

"He looks like a bad magician."

"Choosing them by their looks. A little unethical, don't you think?" Lev asked.

"Shut up." She scrolled down. "Red Hood's kind of cool looking…"

The screen stopped on a picture of a man with a green bowler that had a question mark on it. The man was kind of cute in an old fashioned, dapper kind of way.

"The Riddler?" She brought up his profile out of curiosity.

Lev leaned over to read over her shoulder.

She elbowed him in the chest.

"What the hell happened here? Who sucked the life out of this place?" Someone demanded from the kitchen doorway.

Kat looked up and closed her laptop excitedly. "Eli!" She sprung to her feet.

Since her older brother was advanced in school, he was already on his third year in university despite being only nineteen. He lived in the dorms there to be close to the school at all hours of the day or night, but came home often.

Still, it wasn't often enough for Kat who adored her older brother's sunny sense of humour.

She wrapped her arms around Eli as Lev slunk off into his shadows.

"Are you home for the weekend?"

"Yeah, I thought we could do something. Movie marathon, maybe."

Kat beamed roguishly. "No plans with that girl, what's her name…?"

"Teegan," Lev purred from a dark corner of the room, still sipping at his water.

"Ah, let's not go down that road. I just stopped crying." Eli said, beaming widely.

"Oh…rejected?"

"No, she…ah…something about being too old for me, it's detailed, never mind about me. Where's the supervisors?"

"Alphabetically by title they're in the garage and downstairs." Lev pointed out.

Eli wandered over to the fridge and began going through it for food. He had all the money he could want after signing a deal with Bruce Wayne at a young age, but he still ate his parents food and drove around in a bucket of bolts.

Kat took her seat at the island again. "So, how's baby Einstein doing at school?" She asked. "Blow anything up?"

"Yeah, they didn't allow me back in the chem lab for a few days, but the smell cleared right out." Eli said pulling out leftover lasagne and sniffing it.

"It's two days old." She pointed out helpfully.

"Still good." He said, moving towards the cabinet with the plates to dish himself out a portion. "If you lived on dorm snacks and caf food for weeks, you'd risk two day old lasagne." He said.

"So, you blew up the chem lab, hm?" Lev asked from his dark corner.

"I did, but fuck it, I don't care." Eli said.

"Fuck is a strong word that loses meaning if you use it too often, son." Their father said from the doorway. "I was wondering what was smoking in our driveway, it turned out to be a conveyance of sorts."

Eli, who stood taller than their father by three inches, peered down at him. "Well, I'd be riding in style if someone hadn't asked for the Buick first."

In his corner, Lev leaned out. "Rules of salvage, Eli. Buy something nice for yourself."

"If we're resorting to rules of salvage I could easily claim all the junk piled waist high in your bedroom, moron." Eli shot back. "Some of it needs improving, but I could sell it."

"Want me to take a look at your - for lack of a better word - vehicle, Eli?" Their father asked.

"I can fix it, dad. I just need the tools."

"Bored, Eddie?" Their mother asked as she popped out of the basement door in the back hall. "Your father's been looking for something to break and fix all week. Hi, baby." She greeted, pressing a kiss to Eli's cheek.

Eli hugged his mother back with a grin.

"I can break the dishwasher if you want, dad." Lev said.

The last time he broke something it was the sink in the bathroom. Somehow he broke it and it took their father a week and a half to figure out how Lev broke it.

"I'm tempted, Lev. But if any of us have to go back to doing dishes by hand, we'd all be miserable."

"Yeah, we're not Amish, Lev." Kat added, opening her laptop again.

Their father beamed wickedly. "It might do you kids some good to do dishes the way your mother and I had to do them growing up."

Their mother laughed and wrapped her arms around her husbands neck. "You grew up in the suburbs, Eddie. I'm pretty sure your mother had a dishwasher."

Their father beamed wickedly. "Yeah, but I still had to load it."

Kat was about to reply, when she glanced at her computer screen to find the picture of the Riddler was still up.

The smile, a wide, mischievous grin, was suddenly very familiar. Glancing up over her laptop's screen, she eyed her father who now stood beside Eli, grinning a very, very similar grin.

She felt someone lean in over her shoulder and looked to find the only person on her side of the computer staring at the image as well.

Lev quietly did the same comparison as her, before reaching over and calmly closing the laptop again.

What the hell did she just see?

She looked over to confirm with her twin and found him very quietly eyeing their father, before he turned and wandered off.

Slowly, Kat took hold of her laptop and gathered her papers.

"I have homework, I'll be upstairs," she said, unable to take her eyes off her dad.

His eyes were so kind to her as they all watched her go.

It had to have been just a random coincidence. She reasoned, hurrying up the stairs. There were a lot of people who had similar smiles, of course.

But.

That ominous 'but' that told her she may have just stumbled upon something big.

As she passed by Lev's door, it opened and he eyed her, before motioning her in with his head.

His room, much like his person was dark, but nicely kept, despite a mass of things he built with his hands. Little gadgets he liked to tinker with cluttered the place.

Kat flopped onto the bed, clutching her laptop and her schoolwork to her chest. "You saw it, right? I'm not…I mean it's nothing, right?"

He ignored her, moving to sit at his desk. "Dopplegangers," he said simply.

"Of course. I mean, dad owns a security business, he's…he's not an ex-criminal."

"Exactly," he said.

She could see him looking up information on the Riddler and clenched her teeth.

"What's it say? I mean? Was he a killer? Not that it's dad or anything, because…"

"Let's see. The Riddler AKA Edward Nygma."

_Edward._

"Genius level IQ, 187." Lev went on.

_What did dad once say, IQ of 188 wasn__'t it? But it was so close._

"Hair, deep auburn."

_Dad's was grey now, but what colour had it been? Auburn.  
><em>

"Eyes, blue."

_Blue._

Kat found the air thin. "It's not him."

"Let's see. As of yet, he's still a wanted criminal by the officials of Gotham City, believed to have fled the country with an accomplice. Wanted for theft, assault, armed robbery, kidnapping and murder."

"Accomplice?"

Lev brought up the accomplice's profile. "Catwoman also known as Selina Kyle and there's no mistaking those violet eyes, Kat. Even with a mask on."

Afraid to approach the computer, Kat peered over Lev's shoulder from the bed at the picture of a dangerous looking woman in a black mask with cat ear's. She grinned darkly at them from the computer screen.

"What'd she do?" Kat asked nervously.

"Catwoman? Apparently she was a noted thief."

Bowing her head, Kat suddenly found clarity in the situation. She exhaled. Suddenly some things made sense to her.

"Maybe we should ask Eli about this." She suggested softly. "He's older, he might know something."

Lev shrugged. "Your choice. I'm going downstairs for some crackers."

"Aren't you…" she paused. What scared of her parents? Just because they could be dangerous criminals, when had they ever threatened or hurt any of them?

Still, how could Lev face them.

Hell, he sat there at his computer looking at her like nothing big had happened.

Kat clutched her laptop tighter to her chest.

"Are you flipping out?" Lev asked.

"I'm not flipping out."

"Then stop working your mouth like a fish on dry land." He growled.

Sometimes Kat wondered if Lev was really Uncle Jon's spawn. The two of them had about the same amount of warmth in them.

"Lev," she said shakily as he moved to the door.

"What?"

"I have to show you something." She said.

* * *

><p>They stood over the box of random crap she kept in the back of her closet.<p>

Lev picked up an old plastic Sheriff's badge. "This is mine."

Kat nodded. "I know."

"A lot of this stuff is mine."

Twisting her fingers in the hem of her shirt, Kat nodded again. "None of it's mine. I stole it." She confessed softly.

Her twin eyed her with a quirk of his brow that rivalled their father's.

"Do you think it's hereditary?" She asked.

"No." He said.

"What's hereditary?" Someone asked from behind them.

Kat jumped.

Behind them their older brother grinned broadly. "What's going on? You two are walking around here all sneaky, like a couple of-"

"Wrong word." Lev interrupted, hustling to close the door behind Eli.

Eli eyed the open box. "Hey, that's my from my Geiger counter," he picked up the little readout device. "What's going on, you two?" He demanded, his tone taking on their father's stern, sharp tone.

"Katja's a dirty little thief." Lev stated.

"Hey," she said weakly.

Her twin regarded her with a twinkle in his eye. "Mom and dad might be wanted super villains." He spoke like it was just another of his random facts.

Eli chuckled and dropped his Geiger counter part back into the box to hop onto the bed. "Yeah, so what's eating you guys?"

Kat and Lev exchanged confused look.

"Well, _that_." Kat hissed.

Eli sniffed. "Look, I had the same ethics project in Grade whatever you're in."

"Ten," they both pointed out.

He waved them off. "And…well, they're still our parents. Just don't act all weird about it, it doesn't change anything."

"They killed people, E." She stated.

He shrugged. "So what? People are dying of hunger and war all over the world, death is natural."

"It's not natural when someone plugs you with a bullet." Lev added helpfully.

Sitting up, Eli studied his two younger siblings. "Look, do you want to leave the family? Run away and turn tricks on the street? Or do you love them too much to hate them?"

Kat had to think about that. She thought of all the times dad would sit and listen to her rant for hours about something that bothered her, or how mom would never be too hard on her for making a stupid mistake. Looking all around, she saw all she had in her room, things most girls her age went without all over the world.

And truthfully, the thought of leaving her family made her feel terrible. Even despite Eli's know-it-all attitude around his baby brother and sister, even with Lev's weird behaviour and dad's constant concern over her grades and mom's sometime's aloofness.

She thought of all the vacations they took, of the places her family had been to and all the things they had been through.

She thought of her father's laugh or how his eyes with shine when she'd get one of his stupid riddles right and her mom's soft tones when she used to tuck them in at night, how she could almost purr them to sleep when they were scared or sick.

"Huh," she mused, "well all that makes much more sense."

Eli eyed his siblings again, this time seriously. "It's very important that we keep their secret, right? Strength in solidarity."

Kat nodded and even Lev agreed.

"Good, then when you're ready, I'm going to be downstairs helping dad make dinner."

"Where's mom?"

Eli beamed. "She went out to get you spoiled brats some cheesecake for desert from that bakery you like." He began to push himself up from the bed, but paused. "Oh, ah…before you two freak out over it, Uncle Jon is the Scarecrow, Aunt Pam is Poison Ivy and mom and dad aren't legally married. Welp, I'm going be downstairs."


End file.
